FINALS WEEK / PRE CHRISTMAS POWER RANKINGS

David Ramos

WE RANK THINGS IN AN EFFORT TO GIVE STUDENTS A BRIEF REPRIEVE FROM THE TORTUOUS FINAL EXAM SEASON. ALSO, CHRISTMAS.

GREETINGS, STUDENTS AND FANS OF THE BULLDOGS ALIKE. I AM YOUR ALL MIGHTY POWER RANKINGS LEADER, BACK FROM MY BREAK TO GRACE YOU WITH MY PRESENCE AND MY RANKING OF THINGS VITALLY IMPORTANT TO YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE. YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF: WHY DOES HE RETURN TO GRACE US WITH HIS RANKINGS? THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE: I DO SO FOR THE SAKE OF THE WEARY STUDENTS, AND TO GIVE YOU THE SOUNDEST OF ADVICE ON GIFT GIVING THIS HOLIDAY SEASON. THAT'S RIGHT, YOUR POWER RANKINGS OVERLORD OBSERVES CHRISTMAS. HOW DO YOU THINK I GOT THIS GREAT PUG FACE SWEATER?!?!

NOW, ENOUGH ABOUT MY FANTASTIC WARDROBE, LET'S TALK ABOUT RANKING THINGS IN A POWERFUL WAY.

BEHOLD: THE FINALS WEEK / PRE CHRISTMAS POWER RANKINGS

MSU LIBRARY BATHROOM POWER RANKINGS

  1. Basement floor, back of the building behind the elevators
  2. All others

ONLY A FRESHMAN WOULD DARE USE THE RESTROOMS ON THE MAIN FLOOR OF THE LIBRARY FOR SECONDARY PURPOSES. SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO TAKE MORE THAN A QUICK RESTROOM BREAK WHEN IN YOUR 52nd CONSECUTIVE HOUR OF STUDYING, AND WHEN THAT MOMENT COMES, UPPERCLASSMEN KNOW WHERE TO TURN. TO THE BOTTOM FLOOR, AROUND THE CORNER, AND TO THE BACK YOU GO. TOTAL ISOLATION, TOTAL COMFORT, TOTALLY SINGLE STALL. THE BATHROOM TRIFECTA. ALL OTHERS RUN A DISTANT SECOND. AND FOR GOODNESS SAKES, SHOULD NATURE CALL FOR MORE THAN JUST A QUICK BATHROOM BREAK, DO NOT USE THE FIFTH FLOOR BATHROOM. IT'S SO QUIET UP THERE, YOU COULD HEAR A MOUSE FART. THINK ABOUT IT.

Floor1new_df_medium

CHRISTMAS GIFT POWER RANKINGS

  1. iPad
  2. Big Green Egg Grill
  3. iPad mini
  4. clothes
  5. 565. socks

THERE HAS NEVER IN THE HISTORY OF HUMANITY BEEN A PERSON EXCITED ABOUT GETTING SOCKS FOR CHRISTMAS. OR A HAND KNIT SWEATER. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, GRANDMA.

MUSIC TO SYNC YOUR CHRISTMAS LIGHT DISPLAY WITH POWER RANKINGS

  1. Your school's fight song
  2. Trans-Siberian Orchestra's Carol of the Bells
  3. 1,456. PSY

FOR SHAME IF YOU SET YOUR CHRISTMAS LIGHTS TO THAT GANGNAM STYLE. FOR SHAME.

CHRISTMAS MOVIE POWER RANKINGS

  1. It's a Wonderful Life
  2. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
  3. Home Alone
  4. All Others

TEACHER ARRIVAL TIME FOR FINALS POWER RANKINGS

  1. Early
  2. Right one time
  3. "I'm late but screw you, you'll get no extra time to take your exam. Bah, humbug"

HAIR POWER RANKINGS

Lawrence_hair_medium

PICTURE WITH SANTA POWER RANKINGS

  1. This
  2. This one
  3. And this one

Also: the WORST SANTA PICTURE.

CHRISTMAS BAKED GOODS POWER RANKINGS

  1. Fudge (all kinds)
  2. All others

BEST TIMES TO BE IN STARKVILLE POWER RANKINGS

  1. Christmas Break
  2. Spring Break
  3. Summer Break

THIS IS A RANKING THAT ONLY A STARKVILLIAN WOULD UNDERSTAND. TOWNIE CHRISTMAS. NO WAIT IN EVERY RESTAURANT. CHRISTMAS BREAK TRULY IS A GIFT FOR TOWNSPEOPLE.

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