Summer time is good for 2 things: sleeping in, summer beers, and coming up with off the wall posts because there are no MSU sports going on. Okay, that was three things. While I was navigating through the SBNation bloggosphere earlier this week I was inspired by this post from The UCONN Blog on things you shouldn't buy from your school's online store.
Every school has it: that "official" store where you can buy all the team themed accessories and apparel that you really don't need. And on each team's site, there are always those items that many of us see listed for sale and go: "what the hell?"
Mississippi State's official team merchandise site, HailStateStore.com, is no exception to this rule, and we here at FWtCT have come up with 10 items that you should shy away from purchasing.
10. Bulldog eating a Gnome who is apparently eating a football
There's something no quite right about this piece of yard art. For starters, I don't know what the hell is going on with that Bulldog on his head. Is he attempting to eat the Gnome? Is that supposed to signify him eating Colonel Reb? And why is part of the football missing? Questions abound with this purchase, but one thing is for sure: it will keep squirrels (and kids, and grown ups) the hell away from your yard.
9. Fan in the stands Eye
Ran out of the house headed to the game today and forgot your sunglasses? Going to tailgate then leaving early to participate in a rec league softball game that you plan to take too seriously? If either of the previous sentences describe your potential Saturday afternoon this fall, than this Maroon Eye Black is for you. GOOD NEWS! They come in two pair, in case the game goes
extra innings into overtime.
8. Ole Miss... Napkins?
Smack dab in the middle of all that maroon and white on our team merchandise site are these: napkins that share a color with a particular rival fan base and couldn't stick out any more on the site if the site manager TRIED to. Or are these a swipe at Ole Miss, that we consider their colors only good enough to wipe our mouths with? I would assume then if you really wanted to send a message along those lines, you'd go with red and blue patterned toilet paper.
7. "Cheeky" Shorts, Huh?
No we're not complaining about anyone buying these, but the name of them caught our eye. "Cheeky?" Probably so, because if these were any shorter the girl would be displaying her "cheeky"s to the whole Junction (FWTCT OFFICIALLY ENDORSES THIS PRODUCT FOR USE AT ALL HOME FOOTBALL GAME, GOOD LOOKING LADIES)
6. SEC Champs, Ed Hardy style sons!
Congats Bulldog fans, you've won the SEC Baseball Tournament Championship! How will you celebrate?
(/purses lips together) oh, you know fella, we'll hit the beach lookin' for them ladies to holler at. CAUSE THAT'S HOW WE DO IT ON THA SHORE! (applies 32 oz of suntan lotion)
(/snooki comes in wearing the same hat, yells something incoherent, passes out on bar. 8:30am)
5. MSU hooded scarf / boxing ring bling
Unless you're on the way to fight Pacquiao in the fight of your life, no. Just.....no
4. Strippin' Style
Another item that we're not necessarily telling you NOT to buy, ladies, but don't expect people to think anything other than you have to leave late in the 3rd quarter to head out to Mayhew to start your shift at the Pony
3. Olan Mills T-Shirt?
Might as well be wearing this as a shirt:
2. Radically delicious wall art
This is actually a perfectly acceptable purchase, so long as your house doesn't include any pot heads. Why? Because at 2:30 in the morning to your stoner son and his friends, this isn't a cutsie burlap football, IT'S THE MOST RADICAL COOKIE CAKE THEY'VE EVER SEEN.
1. THE BULLDOG HEAD OF LONELINESS
The 9 previously listed purchases MAY include circumstances where it is okay to purchase that particular item, but this one does not. Never, EVER should you, a friend or loved one purchase and wear to a Bulldog sporting event this hideous display of head wear. See an old college buddy in line for the game with one on? Run up and slap it off his head, secure the head wear, and BURN IT. He will thank you later after he's come back down from his bath salts high.
Friends, that is the most hideous thing I've ever seen in my life. It sits probably one tier below the Arkansas Razorback head in embarrassment level, and the Razorback head is only widely accepted by their fan-base because most men have wives who double as sisters, and well lets face it they have bigger issues to worry about than hats. LITTLE KNOWN FACT: The model for the above photo could only force that smile while the hat was on his head when they brought in Brooklyn Dekker to flash him. It took 3 times.
Well there you have it folks. Don't buy any of the above mentioned items, and statistics show you will live a
longer healthier happier and less beatup-able life.