The Totally Serious Opponent Report: South Alabama

Sep 15, 2012; Raleigh, NC, USA; South Alabama Jaguars head coach Joey Jones talks to his players after calling a timeout against the North Carolina State Wolfpack during the first half at Carter-Finley Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Mark Dolejs-US PRESSWIRE

I want to make fun of South Alabama. I REALLY, REALLY DO. But what is there to say about a team that doesn't really register on the SEC football radar or any football radar for that matter.

USA (No, not the awesome one that Lee Greenwood makes us love so much) is a lot like the weird new kid that sat next to you on the first day of Accelerated Geometry class in 9th grade. He mostly played his Game Boy and picked at his fingernails, and after that day you didn't see him again. You figure he just ended up taking regular classes on the third floor and probably works at Arby's now. Mmmmmm...roast beef.

The point I'm trying to make is: What do we even know about these guys?

#1: USA was once a stop in the Raymond Cotton Southern Football Tour. Tickets to the tour can be purchased by e-mailing Houston Nutt directly (oversignbydesign@giggity.net).

#2: In 2009, South Alabama's first ever football season, they went 7-0, taking down any JUCO or military academy that would travel to Mobile to play them. Louisburg, Milford, Fork Union...yes, those are real teams that took beat downs from the Jaguars.

#3: Portable seating is apparently a BIG issue at Ladd-Peebles Stadium.

#4: Tight End, Ryan Onkka has a look-a-like...

Onka_medium
...and it's sausage pizza.

#5: OL Chris May cleans up well...

Clegg_may_medium
...but still looks like Clegg from Eastbound and Down.

Game Prediction: Malfunction Junction 45 - George Wallace Tunnel 10

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join For Whom the Cowbell Tolls

You must be a member of For Whom the Cowbell Tolls to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at For Whom the Cowbell Tolls. You should read them.

Join For Whom the Cowbell Tolls

You must be a member of For Whom the Cowbell Tolls to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at For Whom the Cowbell Tolls. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9347_tracker