SEC Football Coaches as Christmas Vacation Characters

Because, well why not.

Clark - Gus Malzahn

Gets the most attention of the Griswold family; is mostly alive (has a great season) due to some very fortunate breaks around him.

Ellen - James Franklin

A really underrated member of the Griswold (SEC) family. Has an understated attractiveness that could make her (him) attractive to other suitors.

Audrey - Gary Pinkel

Kind of just there, but is better than you give her (him) credit for.

Rusty - Butch Jones

Doesn't get the attention he probably should for his hard work due to his short stature. [editor's note: Butch Jones will not go on to star in the Big Bang Theory]

Cousin Eddie - Dan Mullen

Big fan of egg-nog; considers wearing a dickey to be a fashion statement. Stays in a place a bit longer than you expected.

Catherine - Mark Richt

Kind hearted, keeps a strong front even when things are tough around her (him).

Rocky - Will Muschamp

Possibly has contracted mange; contagious if gets around your family (football team).

Ruby Sue - Nick Saban

Short in stature, extremely nervous the night before Christmas (the Iron Bowl), has traveled around a good bit in her life (career).

Mary, the attractive store clerk - Kevin Sumlin

Everybody wants her (him).

Snots - Mike Stoops

You rub his belly (let him coach in the SEC) and he'll love you until the day you die.

The squirrel - Hugh Freeze

Gets everyone all excited and riled up when he first shows up, but is mostly harmless.

Aunt Bethany - Les Miles

Completely confused and aware of nothing going on around her (him); has done the pledge of allegiance at the dinner table. Utterly senile.  Wears a hat.

The neighbors - Steve Spurrier

Knows they're (he's) better than you; is a big fan of wind-suit sets.

Clark's boss - Bret Beilema

Has been known to be very mean at times; is actually mostly controlled (taught new school-related gang signs) by his wife.

In This Article

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