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"Report": Students on Mississippi State campus afraid to stand in front of A.J. Jefferson

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After his devastating hit on a Southern Miss running back Saturday night, reports have surfaced from around campus of students being too terrified to stand between A.J. Jefferson and what he's after.

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It started as a thing of wonder for college football fans on Saturday night.  When Mississippi State defensive end A.J. Jefferson bull rushed around the left end of the offensive line and over a hapless Southern Miss running back for a sack, fans in maroon and white roared.  The subsequent Vines, .GiFs and other shares of the play quickly went viral, as fans from coast to coast oooh'd and ahhh'd at the outstanding play from Mississippi State's junior defensive end from Summit, MS.

But what has gone unreported since the Bulldogs' 34-16 win Saturday night is the sheer terror the incident has induced on the campus of Mississippi State.  Everywhere Jefferson has gone, fear and crippling consternation have gone with him.  In a holiday-shortened week, dozens of eyewitness accounts described to For Whom the Cowbell Tolls have surfaced of students on the Starkville campus fleeing lines and classrooms where Jefferson is located.  The reports indicate he almost immediately moves to the front of the line, not because he demands it, but because those in front of him fear for their lives.

"Did you see that play Saturday?", one student asked us Tuesday morning (he requested that his name not be shared because he has two classes with Jefferson).  "I have class with A.J.; I walk across the Drill Field at the same time as him everyday. I mean, did you actually take a good, long look at what he did to Nick Mullens, or that running back? I can't risk ending up like that, so I've requested to finish the Psychology class we share online.  I sat there in the seat in front of him on Tuesday while he was taking diligent notes, and all I could think is "oh my gosh; I'm between him and the teacher's desk and he's diagramming the most efficient route.  When he raised his hand to ask a question, I blacked out from fear.  When I came to I was in a drainage ditch behind the softball fields at South Farm."

Other reports indicate similar incidents ranging from 32 people quickly exiting the Chick Fil A line during the lunch hour in front of Jefferson to several hundred students clearing from the Drill Field because they were between A.J. and a man throwing a football.

Will the terror ever end?  Many on campus hope so.  But most of those same people also tell For Whom the Cowbell Tolls that they don't want it to end just yet.  They can live with the fear, so that A.J. can unleash it on LSU.

Reporting from behind a police barricade because A.J. was spotted during this report, this is cristilmethod for For Whom the Cowbell Tolls eyewitness news.

Editor's Note: This is satire, just in case the "fake MSU news" tag at the top or the "just for laughs" one did not give that away.  This is fabricated.  A.J., please don't tackle me.