Reasons Why Auburn University is the Worst

Their most beloved tradition is littering. For more of a history lesson in how rolling Toomer’s Corner started read this article. It didn’t start until the 1970’s so it is a newborn in terms of other better college traditions. Cowbells were seen at MSU games as early as the 1930’s. But it does seem strange that they would waste rolls and rolls of toilet paper and throw it onto trees. For one it is fiscally not responsible. Toilet paper is expensive. Check out the kind that MSU has at Davis Wade. Also, Auburn fans are littering. It is illegal in the state of Alabama. Check out this handout on Alabama litter laws. I urge the Alabama “People Against a Littered State” (yes this is a real organization) to put a stop to littering on Toomer’s Corner.

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Auburn litters and pollutes. Dak saves the planet by throwing his trash away.

The most musically talented Auburn grad is Taylor Hicks. Taylor Hicks. Probably the most underwhelming American Idol contestant of all time. He started going gray at 14 years old. Years later he reminds of an employee of the month in the Home Depot paint department. War Eagle.

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Auburn bought Cam Newton for more than $180,000. How much does a natty cost nowadays? Better yet how much did that stupid hat cost Cam? Probably enough to feed a family of five for 2 months. I’m glad Cam sleeps well at night.

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Gus Malzahn wears sweater vests. Gander on down and enjoy the view.

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Auburn is another school that has come down with a mascot identity crisis. Auburn is officially called the “Auburn Tigers.” Their official mascot is “Aubie the Tiger.” Yet, in 1930, they started having live eagles as “mascots.” I don’t get it nor do I want to.

Auburn steals from Georgia. Auburn’s famous “War Eagle” battle cry has come under scrutiny. Auburn also uses Georgia’s “Glory Glory” rally song. So essentially Auburn can’t come up with anything good on their own. They piggy back better schools by using songs with slightly different lyrics and borrowed their most famous saying “war eagle” from their rival.

Auburn Grad Ken Mattingly almost grounded Apollo 13. The Apollo 13 crew are American heroes. Lead pilot Ken Mattingly almost changed that. Days before mission launch, Ken Mattingly is exposed to measles he is forced to sit out and allow his backup pilot Jack Swigert onto the Apollo 13 first crew. There was serious discussion on whether to fly with the backup Jack Swigert or get passed onto a future mission. We all know what happens next. If you don’t you owe it to yourself to check out this American film gem. Apollo 13 takes off and is well on their way to a successful moon landing but two days in Jack Swigert goes to stir the oxygen tanks and all hell breaks loose. An oxygen tank explodes. The crew loses the moon. They are forced to slingshot around the moon and use the moon’s gravity to speed back to earth and splashdown in the South Pacific. All of this with a depleting oxygen supply and fighting hypothermia. If Ken does not get exposed to the measles he is the one who stirs the tanks. We all know this whole experience could have been avoided and we could have had another moon walk.

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