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Reasons Why the University of Arkansas is the Worst

Russian Spies, Walmart, and Inappropriate Workplace Relationships. Let’s call those hogs. Wooooooooooooooooooo Pig Sooie!!!! Razorbacks!

By Gil Maneclang
I’m eating smoked pulled pork on Saturday morning.
NCAA Football: Eastern Illinois at Arkansas Nelson Chenault-USA TODAY Sports
  • Woo pig sooie chant is dumb. I don’t understand the chant. What does it even mean? Calling the hogs? Walmart would run out of business.
  • Walmart is a huge supporter of the Razorbacks. The Arkansas business school is named Sam Walton School of Business after the founder of Walmart. Here are some other fun facts.

Which state has the most Walmarts per capita? You guessed it...Arkansas. There are about 22 Walmarts per 1 million people in Arkansas.

Check out the people of walmart.

Walmart To Raise Its Minimum Raise To 11 Dollars An Hour Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images
  • Arkansas fans are a bunch of undercover Russian operatives that have a foothold in the Ozarks. Let me explain. Tusk the mascot is not even a razorback. Technically a razorback is a wild pig or wild boar. Tusk is a Russian Boar. So they should be called the Arkansas Russian Boars. Spies!
USC v Arkansas Photo by Brian Bahr/Getty Images
Soccer: World Cup-Croatia vs France Witters Sport-USA TODAY Sports
  • Bill Clinton is a huge hog supporter. Our former President was one sleazy dude. He has been publicly accused of sexual harassment by four different women and has even admitted to cheating on his wife with two other women. One of those women was of course Monica Lewinsky. He was the President. She was an intern. He was 59. She was 22. The House impeached Clinton citing perjury and obstruction of justice. Not bad for an Arkansas boy from Hope, AR. Woo pig.
Oscar De La Renta: American Icon Reception Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images
  • They desecrated Bully. Honestly, what is wrong with people?
  • Jerry Jones is another hog fan. Here’s Jerry! Another old man with lots of money and power taking advantage of the system. Jerry first tried to draft Paxton Lynch. When that didn’t go his way he settled for Dak Prescott. He got lucky and Dak had a great rookie year. But by Jerry allowing Jason Garrett to continue coaching he is wasting Dak’s prime years. Another Arkansas alum. Another disappointment.
Alabama v Arkansas Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images
  • They’d rather have Insomnia Cookies than Waffle House. The Waffle House on Dickson Street in Fayetteville has now closed. Rumor has it they are putting in an Insomnia Cookies at the Waffle House spot. When it’s late at night and you’re stumbling around Dickson Street would you rather have some stale, M&M cookie or a huge helping of hash browns, eggs, bacon, and waffles? I rest my case.
  • Bobby Petrino. Another guy from Arkansas. Another infidelity. I see a pattern emerging. Only this time there is a cool motorcycle crash scene.
Tennessee Volunteers v Arkansas Razorbacks Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images
  • The Razorbacks play games in Little Rock. Does anyone in the fan base actually like this? Why do they continue playing games at War Memorial? Sure it’s centrally located and of course Little Rock is such a picturesque oasis of fine dining, art, and culture but come on. It’s the equivalent of playing one game a year in Jackson, MS. It takes away at least one home game a year from Fayetteville. And Fayetteville is actually a decent place to go and pregame at the nearest Applebee’s.
  • BONUS: Reason Why the University of Arkansas is the Best. They kept Ole Miss from playing for the SEC Championship in 2015.

Hail State Always.

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