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Reasons Why the University of Iowa is the Worst

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Racism, oatmeal, and Ashton Kutcher. Iowa you have given us so much.

Northwestern v Iowa Photo by Matthew Holst/Getty Images

The term “Hawkeye” symbolizes racism.

Apparently it is a nickname that two guys made up. It is in part named after a Sauk tribal leader Chief Black Hawk. I am offended and triggered to the core. How dare the University of Iowa adopt this obviously racism nickname. Close this publicly funded university right now!

Field of Dreams sucks.

I’m sorry but I’m not sorry. It is simply not a good movie. And I like Kevin Costner. Tin Cup, Bull Durham, and For Love of the Game are all so much better than this “classic.” Please comment and convince me that this movie is not complete trash. Also, it was filmed in Iowa.

Iowaians eat a lot of oatmeal and drink Pepsi.

I don’t get people who like oatmeal. Why would anyone choose that? I mean just eat cereal. Same for Pepsi. Really? You’ve got Coke, Dr. Pepper, Sprite... Alas, no sweet tea though. Iowa has not crossed that threshold quite yet.

PepsiCo buys Quaker Photo by Darren McCollester/Getty Images

Iowa State is obviously the premier college in Iowa.

Better conference? Check. Better athletics? Check. More students? Check. Land grant? Check.

On a personal note, I’ve seen the Iowa State faithful up close and in person. I attended the 2017 Liberty Bowl in Memphis. Never seen a friendlier group of opposing fans. Hawkeye fans? Probably really super mean. They probably yell at opposing fans. How dare they.

TCU v Iowa State Photo by David Purdy/Getty Images

Ashton Kutcher is the most famous Iowa Alum.

Ashton gave us Punk’d, Dude Where’s My Car, and The Ranch. He also married Demi Moore and then divorced her. This is pure Iowa at its finest.

TechCrunch Disrupt San Francisco 2018 - Day 1 Photo by Steve Jennings/Getty Images for TechCrunch

In an interesting mashup two Iowa greats team up in “The Guardian” to save lives in Alaska.

Hail State Always and Wide Right and Natty Lite!