Look, we all know that the Alabama Crimson Tide or the LSU Tigers are going to be SEC Champions. But Hallow-freaking-ween is tomorrow.
So forget the Championship game.
And ranked teams.
Hell, even forget football.
It is a Halloween party and all the SEC West teams are invited. (Sorry SEC East, you just aren’t all that cool to be invited yet.)
Let’s jump to a ghost town, somewhere in the deep south, for full effect:
Oops, simple mistake.
Close your eyes and let’s try this again. Trust me, this won’t be as scary as the last image.
You are waiting on the teams to get to the Halloween party, and, of course, Alabama is first to the party.
Because if you aren’t first, then you are last.
Alabama: Ricky Bobby, Talladega Nights
Shake and Bake, baby. What goes together better than Alabama Football and Nascar.
Nothing. Literally nothing.
All Ricky Bobby does is win, and so do the Tide. He is the perfect All-American Badass, and so is Alabama Football. This makes perfect sense.
Arkansas: The ones who show up without a costume on.
C’mon, man. Are you even trying?
At least put some effort in! Or you are getting kicked out of the party (or the SEC).
Texas A&M: Clown
They might seem kind of scary at first, but they never really are. If you pay your coach 100 million and still can’t win ten games, then you are the biggest joke in football. Throw Ross Bjork in the mix... Clown is perfect.
LSU: Corn Dogs
This is slightly lazy... I get that. But let us all be real with each other, someone always wears a food costume. Who better to be the corn dog than the fans that smell like actual corn dogs.
Mississippi State: Baseball Player
With the way this season has been going, we are all just ready for baseball season. So much so, that we break out the baseball jerseys and hope it gets the season here sooner. And hey, a Jake Mangum jersey would look pretty fly on the 31st.
Auburn: Daniel LaRusso, Karate Kid
Look, Daniel LaRusso is pretty good. Let’s be honest though, he is overrated as heck. He starts off pretty good, then he gets his tail beat. Sound like a certain football team...
Ole Miss: Bed Sheet Ghost
This is pretty much the worst costume you can wear. It says, “I am trying, but I don’t really care.” Not to the least be scary, and probably never win a costume contest.
Who you got?
You have seen all the costumes, and heard why they wore them. It is an open race, except for Arkansas, you are disqualified. And the winner is...
Alex Gomez is a sportswriter and social media manager at For Whom the Cowbell Tolls. For additional silliness and commentary: @AlexGomezDTT