Beat Bama Week

There are just three weeks left in the regular season for most of college football. The next three games will decide who plays in Atlanta, who gets in the College Football Playoff, who goes bowling, and where. Finally, we’ll see if anyone else gets a severance check and who might buy his way out. Some teams are feeling the pressure, others are going for broke, so in the Southeastern Conference and elsewhere, dramatic upsets will happen.

No. 10 Florida @ Missouri: Barry Odom’s felines have been going hungry for a month now. The “tom cat” (Bryant) has mostly been confined to the rehab pillow and the hunting just hasn’t been the same. Odom needs to get his Cats back on track badly, but the only scratching they have been doing lately is in the litter box. Some folks say they have about filled it up with a strong odor.

Mullenex has a New Year’s Day party on his mind after dismantling the Vanderbilt rowboats and sending the Commodores running through the swamp on their way back to Nashville in their squishing boots. A week off awaits, so Trask has no time to play with kitty cats. The stench in the litter box intensifies.

T-Dawg’s Winner: Florida 38-17

No. 6 Georgia @ No. 11 Auburn: The Bulldogs travel down to the Auburn plains to see what Gus has cooked up for this week. Kirby had one troop of Tigers in last week to get a handle on the characteristics common to all Tigers. They turned out to be closer to a kitten than a Tiger.

With Gus supposedly being a quarterback guru, he hasn’t been able to work his magic with the current kittens. Jordan-Hare Stadium has been a place of spectacular events recently, including last week to preserve a win. If Gus is going to keep the dkogs and the wolves at bay, he will need to get Bo performing new magic acts on a regular basis. Just how many performances does Gus have left? At least one!

T-Dawg’s Winner: Auburn 27-24

Kentucky @ Vanderbilt: Mark Stoops has three more chances to get the two wins he needs to take his Mild-Cats bowling again. He also has three more chances to possibly punch his ticket out of Lexington. Kentucky. After the Volunteers escaped the traps he had set last week, he has to take his species of felines down to Fort Nashville to try to force the Commodores to lower their flag. The best way to do that is to attack early and often on a prey that has little left in the way of motivation.

Derek Mason has given every speech he could think of to his sailors. Pride in your fellow shipmates can only go so far when the skill levels are at a distinctly lower level than the opposing forces. It is like using swords against bazookas while trying to hold the fort. Still, when you’re backed into a corner and the enemy is scaling the walls, all you can do is fight.

T-Dawg’s Winner: Kentucky 28-17

No. 2 LSU @ TSUN: Big Baby “O” has his Bayou Bengals on the verge of something special. After throttling the Tide last week, Orgeron will have his Tigers ready to roar when they pull the bus into Oxford, Mississippi. With Edwards-Helaire running and Burrow throwing, the Land-Minnows could be in for a long, long night.

Matt Luke is quickly running out of chances to go bowl or even hang out in Oxford another year. If Luke’s little fish don’t move fast enough, this one could be more fuel on a fire that is starting to burn at a rapid pace while Burrow uses the Land-Minnows for more Heisman highlights. Orgeron has already ordered plenty of chicken on a stick to eat on the bus ride home while they sing “Hotty Toddy gosh almighty, TSUN sure ain’t nobody!”

T-Dawg’s Winner: LSU 51-17

South Carolina @ Texas A&M: Willie Boy can hear the trucks backing up to the farm, but he isn’t sure if they are trucks coming to move another load of his yard birds for slaughter or another type of moving truck. Muschamp tried hard to get his Cluckers to a bowl game again this year, and after Athens, Georgia, he took a deep breath thinking reservations could be made. They are gasping for air more and more, as the Gamecocks sink deeper and deeper.

The Aggies are on a roll in November, which hasn’t happened since, never! Jimbo Ioves watching his boys find their groove and plans to milk it for all he can because he sees the big Dogs and Cats dead ahead. There are two things you can do if you find a chicken in your yard and you want it for supper. You can wring its neck or chop it off on a wood block. Either way, the Gamecocks are about cooked.

T-Dawg’s Winner: Texas A&M 31–21

No. 3 Alabama @ Miss. State: The Saban Elephant Circus ran into Big Baby O’s Tiigurrs who just had too much for the young and injured pachyderms. After playing a very physical and emotional game with a hobbled quarterback and a young defense making a multitude of errors, the Tide has seen their chance for the College Football Playoffs probably slip away.

The Dawgs have had a week off to heal bruises and take stock of themselves a bit. You would be hard-pressed to find many that think Jo Mo and his Dawgs have a prayer in upsetting the Tide after the beating they took, but then again, how many unrealistic upsets have happened in the SEC and elsewhere this year already? So, why not us? Why not now? You need to expect the unexpected and live on the edge a little when no one thinks you can succeed anyway. We’re all we got, we’re all we need. It doesn’t have to be pretty, just get it done anyway you can. Maybe the other team helps you out more than you ever imagined. Roll the dice...

T-Dawg’s Winner: Miss. State 35–31

Last week, I said there would probably be at least three coaching changes in the SEC. One I had in mind is done, but two, maybe three others, will fall while one will opt out for greener pastures. Hint, three East, one West.

Anyone else have a crystal ball out there? No names, no schools..…yet.