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Mississippi State Mock: Southern Miss Golden Eagles Edition

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Hey little brother! You look so grown up champ!

NCAA Football: Troy at Southern Mississippi Chuck Cook-USA TODAY Sports

If Mississippi State ever had a little brother, it would be Southern Miss. It’s not an insult. It’s just a fact. Southern Miss is younger, smaller and poorer than Mississippi State. MSU can’t say that about everyone they play against, so when we come across an opponent that’s beneath us, we will milk that all day.

Hey brother! There’s an endless road to rediscover...

Hattiesburg, Mississippi has good food, a decent school and fine folks. But it will forever be the last city on a road trip keeping me from the beach. We’re coming Orange Beach, we just gotta get through Hattiesburg first.

Brett Favre. Even with an all-time great on your side, Southern Miss can’t escape being a small fish in a small pond.

NCAA Football: UL Monroe at Southern Mississippi Chuck Cook-USA TODAY Sports

Cat Cora inexplicably attended Southern Miss. If you watched TV in the ‘90s, then you have seen her overcooked dishes on Iron Chef. Being from Jackson, Mississippi, one would think she would open a restaurant in the capitol, but no. Instead, she leaves and opens numerous AIRPORT restaurants and makes you travel to California or Disney World to sample her “cuisine.” Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll keep it real and eat local.

SiriusXM At Super Bowl LII Photo by Cindy Ord/Getty Images for SiriusXM

The Golden Eagle mascot is called “Seymour d’Campus.” This is real. This is real life. Let’s also go through the other mascots that Southern Miss has churned out over the years. The program has been called the Tigers, Normalites, Yellow Jackets, Confederates, Southerners, and finally the Golden Eagles. They remind me of another school that can’t quite figure out their mascot either.

NCAA Football: Savannah State at Southern Mississippi Chuck Cook-USA TODAY Sports

There are two rocks. The first one is a 1996 Michael Bay thriller titled “The Rock” with Sean Connery and Nicolas Cage. The other is a crappy stadium in southern Mississippi.

NCAA Football: Texas El Paso at Southern Mississippi Matt Bush-USA TODAY Sports

I’ve never met a proud Southern Miss alum. The ones I know went to Southern Miss but root for Mississippi State. Proud Golden Eagles, where y’all at?

COLLEGE FOOTBALL: NOV 03 Marshall at Southern Miss Photo by Bobby McDuffie/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Finally, here is life at Southern Miss according to the university. It’s no wonder no one wants to be there. Hire Hail State Productions immediately.

This will likely be a blowout. Mississippi State is just simply more talented. Here’s to a dub. At least we don’t have to go to Hattiesburg this time around.