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T-Dawg’s Winners; Week 5

NCAA Football: Arkansas at Mississippi State Matt Bush-USA TODAY Sports

We are now into Week 5 of the Southeastern Conference schedule. I feel safe in saying, and I think you will agree with me, that it has been a truly crazy season so far. There is one team clearly at the top, another close behind them, two just above a large group of mediocre teams and one at the very bottom.

Last week was the worst predicting that I have ever done. It is a good thing I don’t put down money on game picks because last week I would have lost the farm. It is frustrating yet enjoyable. We almost didn’t have a season at all, so we should go with the flow and just be happy we have football to anguish over.

Auburn @ Ole Miss

Gus Malzahn took his boys up to visit the Gamecocks last week. He had no idea that a bunch of chickens could harass and totally bewilder his Tigers. It seemed like the bus was in need of a tuneup. Malzahn decided to take his bus to Oxford, Mississippi, to have some work done while his tiger cubs took a guided tour of the Grove.

The Lane Train picked up a load of swine in Fayetteville, Arkansas, intending to bring them to north Mississippi. The pigs became too much to handle while causing a major derailment. The fish have some gravely wounded and disgruntled felines coming for a visit, as coach Kiffin has rounded up every seining net he could find. His schools of fish have them set to drop on Malzahn and his kittens so their claws will not be a problem.

T-Dawg’s Winner: Ole Miss 38-30

No. 2 Alabama @ Tennessee

Nick Saban had himself quite a week after catching this virus. Miraculously, three days after testing positive, he coaches his team to victory over another one of his former assistant coaches. Saban was feeling so good postgame that he was break dancing in the locker room. This week, the Crimson Tide is forecasted to flood Neyland Stadium. The tide will be so intense that the defenders will have to choose between aiming their rifle or swimming for their very lives.

Jeremy Pruitt’s Volunteers started out the year so well, but after an excursion to Athens, Georgia, their long rifles seem to have almost blown up in their faces. The Volunteers will try to repair the cracks in the walls of Knoxville before they become any worse. After having to watch Alabama light them up 13 years in a row, the Volunteers have stopped making advance plans for celebrations in this rivalry. Coach Saban will once again have the cigars waiting in the Crimson Tide locker room.

T-Dawg’s Winner: No. 2 Alabama 48-17

Kentucky @ Missouri

The Wildcats seem to have hit their stride, leading many to pick them during the preseason to challenge the SEC East. Now that the felines have found themselves, is it likely they will fall flat again this Saturday? Mark Stoops’ Wildcats have been taking their steroid shots preparing to battle Eliah Drinkwitz’s Tigers in an early morning cat brawl. Big Blue will make a strong attempt to change the strip colors on the pesky Tigers from Missouri.

The black and gold Tigers are rested but anxious after having an extra week off because of Vanderbilt’s COVID-19 outbreak. Drinkwitz has had his cats sharpening their claws so they can seek and destroy any unwanted strays. By the time the Missouri Waltz plays, this one should be decided.

T-Dawg’s Winner: Kentucky 31-17

South Carolina @ LSU

The Gamecocks entertained the Auburn Tigers, but they found that they were the ones being entertained. The Tigers seemed like they were in the middle of a serious family feud and became easy prey for Will Muschamp’s Yardbirds. The Gamecocks will be going down to Baton Rouge, Louisiana, hoping to use their spurs to overwhelm the bayou boys. But they may find that they have been delivered to the slaughterhouse instead.

Big Baby “O” has been trying to use Lego blocks to build some kind of a team this year. After getting an unexpected week off because of a COVID-19 outbreak among the Florida football program, Orgeron will send one of, or maybe both of his freshman quarterbacks out to greet the chicken truck. Like many teams this year, LSU is searching for answers to major questions and devouring a few chickens should help the process.

T-Dawg’s Winner: LSU 31–24

October is almost over and some conferences are just now about to start their shortened football seasons. Odd, very odd. Once again, we are living in a world that seems to exist on a different level than what we were used to.

Almost every team in the SEC is undergoing changes that amaze or frighten us. That is what life is about, though. Embrace change and the opportunities that it presents as we all seek our future.

I will miss Garrett Shrader, who announced he will be transferring from the program. And with Kylin Hill’s future with the Bulldogs unclear, there’s a chance his career in maroon and white is over, too. I will miss him as well. They have provided memories to relive years down the road, such as Shrader’s midair spin and Hill’s incredible hurdles over opponents. I wish them both the best in their futures.

There are only four conference games scheduled for this weekend, so I feel really good about picking a winner in at least one of them. The other three games? Anything can happen this year, and there are very few things to hang your hat on. Who would you pick?

Hail State!