Games That Never Were?

Well, we come to Week 8. I have begun to think of this season as a form of spring training for all teams. I have never seen a season like this where multiple games are postponed in the same week. Teams that have never played are ranked; some are even highly ranked. Teams that we all know would not be in positions that they are in. If I had to give the season as a whole a name, if would be, “The Twilight Season.”

No. 12 Georgia @ Missouri

The Georgia Bulldogs wanted to be careful to not have too many bad things at the cocktail party. While successfully avoiding the consumption of harmful materials, they could not avoid enough of what the Gators were dishing out, which resulted in a slow death. Head coach Kirby Smart has to get his tired and shaken dog pack ready to battle a bunch of rested Mizzou Tigers.

Head coach Eliah Drinkwitz and his Tigers were treated badly two weeks ago by the same Gators that dragged the Georgia Bulldogs over their heads at that cocktail party thing. The Tigers have defended the home den well this year, and they look forward to having some puppies to play with when Georgia comes calling. If Smart’s Bulldogs cannot put the headache of the cocktail party behind them quickly, Drinkwitz’s felines will make their pain much, much worse.

T-Dawg’s Winner: Missouri 27-21

Vanderbilt @ Kentucky

The Commodores took every sailor they could muster to Starkville, Mississippi, trying to grab what they felt might be their last chance to raise the victory flag this year. Some of head coach Derek Mason’s cadets got confused thinking it was Christmas, causing them to give five early presents to their hosts, which proved to be their own undoing. Now, Mason must try to find enough willing shipmates to go ashore in Lexington, Kentucky, to see if they can catch a few cats in a bag.

Head coach Mark Stoops’ Wildcats have been on a rollercoaster ride this season. After hitting rock bottom for two weeks, Stoops had his kittens withdraw to lick their wounds before those helpless Commodores pay a visit. Stoops has made some special plans for Mason’s putt-putt navy, which has about run out of their supply of Flex Seal.

T-Dawg’s Winner: Kentucky 37-17

No. 5 Texas A&M @ Tennessee (postponed)

Jimbo Fisher’s Aggies are trying to dispel the history of past November collapses. There were a bunch of chickens in South Carolina that will swear the Aggies are wiring those memories out. The next stop on Fisher’s easterly swing is Rocky Top, where his Aggies plan on confiscating all the rifles in the fort.

The Volunteers have now dropped four battles in a row. Everything was looking so wonderful for head coach Jeremy Pruitt’s Volunteers, but then the lights went out in Georgia and have yet to come back on. Pruitt’s sharpshooters better have their sights aligned correctly if they hope to survive the battle ahead. The women are gathering up first-aid kits in anticipation of the bloodletting to come.

T-Dawg’s Winner: Texas A&M

No. 1 Alabama @ LSU (postponed)

The Crimson Tide have once again ascended to the top of the hill, at least for the time being. Head coach Nick Saban will be sure to remind his pachyderms of the feeling they had after the LSU Tigers celebrated at Bryant-Denny Stadium last year. The Tide will be ready to unleash a crimson hurricane upon Death Valley.

Head coach Ed Orgeron has been trying his Tigers to perform with some semblance of last year’s circus. Unfortunately, it simply hasn’t worked because no dominant Tiger can be identified. Baby Orgeron knows if the Tigers are to play anywhere close to New Year’s Day, they need to slay a giant soon!

T-Dawg’s Winner: Alabama

Arkansas @ No. 6 Florida

Head coach Sam Pittman’s Razorbacks have surprised a lot of folks this year, maybe even themselves. Feleipe Franks has been dealing a wide variety of dogs with every topping you could ever want. When the Gators invited the Hogs as their homecoming guests, Franks gladly accepted, hoping to be crowned as king.

Head coach Dan Mullen and his scaly friends are still charged up after putting the bite on the Georgia Bulldogs. Now the Gators have to calm the waters before the Razorbacks stop by the Swamp looking for some Gator hides. Quarterback Kyle Trask is not likely to greet his former rival warmly but will instead lead his Gator friends as they gut the squealers.

T-Dawg’s Winner: Florida 44-31

South Carolina @ Ole Miss

The Gamecocks take a little trip to Oxford, Mississippi, searching for a way to heal from the thorough plucking they took from the Texas A&M Aggies. Head coach Will Muschamp is having problems finding a head rooster to lead his egg layers. That is only one of his problems, though, as the chicken coup looks like it is about to fall in on his head and the minnow attack will offer no comfort.

Head coach Lane Kiffin and his Land Minnows have had little problem swimming upstream no matter where they have gone. The problem, just like always, has been keeping predators from coming after them. Kiffin and his Land Minnows will waste no time in processing the cock-a-doodle-doos so they can go watch the newest Johnny Sins production.

T-Dawg’s Winner: Ole Miss 48-21

No. 24 Auburn @ Mississippi State (postponed)

The Tigers come to town looking for a laugher for a change of pace. Lately, head coach Gus Malzahn has had to struggle to pick up a win, but this week they have arranged picnic baskets for everyone. The Gus Bus has a plan to party going and coming.

The Dawgs have been saving something special for this game. Everyone has kept the secret extremely quiet, but now when all seems so dark and dreary, out steps the SUPERDAWGS!!!!!!! Quarterback Will Rogers will lead the attack of the suddenly developed Dawgs as they run through and throw around the completely overmatched Plainsman. Malzahn and Tigers don’t have time to get on the bus with the Dawgs snapping at their heels. The last time he was seen, he was running down Highway 82 with his pants showing signs of being attacked by a mad Dawgs (Hey, THIS is MY DREAM).

T-Dawg’s Winner: Mississippi State 59–10

Relax, it is how I would love it to happen, and since this game and others will not be played this weekend, we all can dream! Seven games were scheduled this weekend, as of right now, two will actually be played. It is truly a world gone mad!

Other games:

Iowa beats Minnesota

Boise State beats Colorado State

West Virginia beats TCU

NC Stare beats Florida State

Tulane beats Army

Georgia Tech beats Pittsburgh

No. 9 Miami beats Virginia

Purdue beats No. 23 Northwestern

Arizona State beats California

No. 20 USC beats Arizona

No. 11 Oregon wins over Washington State