Finally, march madness is here. But, more importantly, the time to fill out your brackets is here.
What's that you say? You stink at filling out brackets? No fear, my friend! Finally you can stop laying stuffed mascots on the floor and seeing which one your dog chooses. No longer will you have to ask your girlfriend which coach is hotter. No longer will you have to be ashamed of the methods by which you pick the winners in your bracket(s).
No longer, my friends.
Let me introduce you to the fool-proof*, no mistake guide to selecting a perfect bracket, my friend. This guide is indorsed by Chuck Norris*. Jay Bilas swears* by this bracket selection method. That's right friends, all of the best and brightest minds have used my secret selection process for years, and finally, I'm bringing it to you, John Q.
Sucker Public. For the low, low price of 15 payments of $1.95, you can have my guaranteed guide to picking NCAA Tournament winners all for yourself! But wait, there's more! For the next 15 minutes, I will let you preview my guide for free! Take a look below, see if you like what you see (you will), and as soon as you do, make sure you call us at (601) 867-5309 to get yours today. If you call within the next 15 minutes, we'll even throw in my "how to get an Arkansas football coach fired" guide for FREE! Don't delay, call today!
*None of these statements are true.
warning: this product is not intended to cure, treat, or prevent any symptoms of badbracketchoiceosis. Ladies, this selection guide is also not a fool-proof way to get your boyfriend out of his $500,000 gambling debt. This bracket selection guide is prohibited in the states of Missouri and Alaska. This guide somehow just helped Alabama claim another national championship in football. Step four of this guide is void where the player in question is Marshall Henderson. Side effects of this selection guide include nausea, increased paranoia, manic depressive spells, and rickets. This selection guide is copyrighted under the nananapoopoo-i-wrote-it-first act of 1999.