clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Your crazy uncle Frank predicts MSU's 2013 football season

Your crazy uncle Frank: we all have one, if we're being truthful. He drinks too much at family events. He hasn't seen a game since 1982 -- seeing as that's when his TV broke, and also when he quit paying for his paper because the "government" wasn't going to dictate to him what was and wasn't news -- yet he remains a foremost expert on the team. He still wears his suits from the 1960s; he drinks nothing but the Champagne of Beers, because anything else is unamerican. And here he is to predict MSU's season.

courtesy: Flickr user Leighblackall

Morning friends.  Your Uncle Frank here.  Good to be back with you, on this most glorious of weeks.  Football's in the air.  Can you feel it?  Well, it may be the cross breeze I've been getting since I repositioned the trailer two weeks ago, but I'm almost 32% sure that that breeze I've been getting lately is the slow rolling in of another football season.

Speaking of football, have to say that I think this is Dale Maldwin's year at MSU.  I haven't seen a team this primed for success since Darren Rovell's 1955 team, before Rovell took $10 million to go to Texas to replace Mark Brown.

Have to say, I like this offense.  Ole Les Co-Ning has the Bullpups ready to play, and I think play they will, all the way to an undefeated season.  That's right, ole crazy uncle Frank is predicting an undefeated season!  You can call me a looney or try to have me committed again, but Uncle Frank is as lucid as he's ever been in his 65 years of life, and he wouldn't lie to ya.  That's how I see it; that's how it's gone be.  Let's take a look at how I see this season infolding.

Oklahoma State -- Win -- Just have a hard time seeing the boys from Distilled-Water having any success against our mighty line at State.  What's that boys name... Stephenson?  Best end I've seen since Joe Montainya in the 80s. He's could block an entire advancing team of Viet Cong, so I know he can block two boys from Tulsa who eat at the tasty freeze a few times a week.  State wins easily in Dallas to open the year 1-0.

Alcorn State --  Win -- This may be a game to watch.  The Bravos have concerned me since they won the Sugar Bowl a few years back. Granted I haven't seen the roster for this year, what with my ongoing dispute with the crooks at the Gazette, but if this team is like I remember, watch out Bulldoggies.  I'm predicting a close game, but Dogs get a win here.

Auburn -- Win -- Like those boys on the Godfather, I got a nose for smelling a rat.  Tommy Tuberville is a rat, and I don't trust him, EVER.  I think Dale Maldwin knows who he's up against, and he'll put the boot heel to ole Tommy two-tone early on in a route.  No win for the fighting Bo Jackson's this year.

Troy -- Win -- State better watch out for this trojan horse, because it's full of talented football players.  When this school formed in 1980 from the disgruntled former Alabama players, I knew they would be successful.  They've been winning ever since, and this year will be no different.  Now, I didn't say that our boys in the maroon couldn't handle them, I just said it'd be tough.  State wins this one in a shoot out.

LSU -- Win -- As long as that dang Billy Cannon doesn't have any offspring or grandchildren playing for the Bayou Bengals, State should be good here.

Bowling Green -- Win -- Is this a school or some kind of PBA event at Woodstock?  Dogs win [gets another Miller High Life]

Kentucky -- Win -- Maybe if Adolph Rupp wouldn't have made that deal with the devil years ago to make Kentucky basketball so good at the cost of the football team, the football cats would have a chance.  You can't win with the devil against ya, and you certainly can't win when you abandon the wishbone formation.  Heresy.

South Carolina -- Win -- Ever since he emerged at Notre Dame, I never trusted Lou Holtz.  It was just something about those beedy eyes... gives you the willies.  Plus he's all figgity.  Hard to read a man like that, you know?  He may have a powerhouse at the USC of the east, but I think our boys prevail here.

Texas A&M -- Win -- The Aggies haven't been a threat on the national stage since the great Saint Jackie Wayne Sherrill won a national championship there, I believe back in 19 and 82.

Alabama -- Win -- Seems like I saw the other day where the line for this game was around a touchdown and a quarter in favor of our boys.  Now I'm not a betting man, not since I went on that cold streak at the Nugget in '77 at least, but that sounds like a solid take there.  Ole Frank might have to travel up to Tunica to lay a little green on that one.

Arkansas -- Win -- Frank Broyles was a damn fine man and an even better coach.  The Hogs may have continued their success since him, I haven't really kept up with them even though they moved to the SEC from the SWC back a few years ago.  But I think no matter who they have now, whether it's an all american back or one of those Hessington twins, but I like State to take this one.  Shocker!  But ole Frank wouldn't lead you astray.

Ole Miss -- Win -- Now this one I could really see coming down to the wire.  The Rebels have had quite a squad as of late, and what with them playing for that golden egg and all, I think this will be a heavily contested game.  I like our quarterback, Joe Russelio, to be the difference here in a game between two championship contenders.  Move over Iron Bowl, there's a new best rivalry, and it's here to stay.

There you have it!  A perfect season folks.  After that, State will move on to play, ah, probably Army or someone, in the national championship game.  Rest assured, if State makes it that far, they won't disappoint. GO DAWGS!

[photo via]