The Totally Serious Opponent Report: AuBarn

Bo Jackson.

That's the nicest thing I can say about Auburn University, because they've been dead to me since he left.

It's easy for most MSU fans to dislike Auburn, myself included. I guess Cam Newton will do that to you. The loveliest village of all the Opelika suburbs (I'm partial to Dadeville, myself) boasts a fresh national title and a mascot that likes to pound Bud-Heavies with Reese Dismukes at the Supper Club.

Here are a five things you need to know about Auburn...

1. Gene Chizik: Maybe the luckiest man in America not named Les Miles. The Chiz (with a career record of 5-19) lands the Auburn job, Cam Newton, and a national title in two years time. He probably doesn't have to pay taxes either.

2. Their fans really love their trees and not paying child support.

3. Trooper Taylor is: (A) a football coach (B) an equipment manager (C) the bag man / Answer: All of the above.

4. The Tigers have won 11 of the last 12 games against MSU. During that span, 900 Auburn players have been arrested.

5. Dan Mullen has never beaten an SEC West team other than Ole Miss, but at least he's never lost a game 3-2.