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What a Bag Man Wants

Inspired by Steven Godfrey's brilliant interview with an SEC bag man, entitled "Meet the Bag Man", here's a parody song, "What a Bag Man Wants", set to Christina Aguilera's "What a Girl Wants".

Kevin Jairaj-US PRESSWIRE

/cuts this on to get the tune in your head right

What a bag man wants, what a bag man needs. [2x]
Yeah, come on.

[recruit, to bagman]
I wanna thank you for giving me, 23
Hundred dollars for my kid sister's dentistry
Gonna sign with your school now
the #1 wide out, yeah yeah

Only cash, checks I never touched
'Cause in my heart was a picture of ya
Catching' balls, winnin' it all, and it's lucky for me you understand my southern drawl

What a bag man wants
What a bag man needs
Payin players so we can win the SEC
And when we've signed them all, that's knowing exactly
What a bag man wants
What a bag man needs
Whatever helps out your dads' farms
And now we're signing you and that's all because of me
Yeah Yeah

What I want is what you got
And what you got, is 1500 yards rushing and 29 touchdowns as a senior.

There was a time I was blind, I was so confused
Givin legally to my school since I was 22.
But [PLAYER], you knew me better than I knew myself
They say if you want a player pay some mo'
If he comes back again
That's when you up the bank roll
It's for keeps, yeah, it's for sure
And I'm ready and willin'
To handshake a hundred more cause

What a bag man wants
What a bag man needs
Payin players so we can win the SEC
And when we've signed them all, that's knowing exactly
What a bag man wants
What a bag man needs
Whatever helps out your dads' farms
And now we're signing you and that's all because of me
Yeah Yeah

What a bag man wants, what a bag man needs
Somebody [with a fast 40], [with great pad level],
[with ball handling skills], [with tremendous pursuit of the football], like you.
What a bag man wants, what a bag man needs, oh yeah.

What a bag man wants (you're so right)
What a bag man needs (you're so right)
You let a bag man know how much you
Need for your aunt's hip surgery, I swear
You're the one who always knew...
You knew, you knew, you knew, you knew...

Ooh, I'm thanking the gym teacher for leading you to me.
What a bag man wants, what a bag man needs
Whatever gets you to [my campus] in the fall,
Whatever gets you to [my campus] in the fall, that's what I need...

What a bag man wants
What a bag man needs
Payin players so we can win the SEC
And when we've signed them all, that's knowing exactly
What a bag man wants
What a bag man needs
Whatever helps out your dads' farms
And now we're signing you and that's all because of me
Yeah Yeah