Mississippi State and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Season

Judith Viorst wrote a children’s book a long time ago called Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day many years ago. This is my Mississippi State take on the book.

I should have known the Mississippi St. Bulldogs were going to have a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad season when it first started. The Bulldogs were stuck with an 11 a.m. kickoff against South Alabama. That itself is a terrible, horrible, no good very bad season opener.

I mean, Ole Miss got to play a fun opponent in Florida State in its opener. Alabama got to play USC in its opener. We got stuck with South Alabama. And then we were outscored 21-3 in the second half and lost the game to boot. It was the start to a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad season.

I should have moved to Australia after the game was over.

Things didn’t get much better in the second week. Sure, the Bulldogs won the game but there was a 45 minute lightning delay in the middle of it. And the team only scored 3 points in the second half. It is really turning out to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad season.

I really should have moved to Australia to escape it.

I thought we had some hope going to LSU the next week with a win over the Gamecocks, but Mississippi State couldn’t score a touchdown if it hit them in the hands. And it did at least once! And then we got crushed again when the team scored two late touchdowns and had a chance to win at the end of the game. But sure enough, an Arden Key sack would continue Mississippi State’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad season.

I wonder if Australia’s version of football is more fun than this.

Then the team went to Foxborough to play in an NFL stadium against a bad UMass team. Surely this is when it would get better, right?

Nope. The team allowed a bad team to get lots of yards and lots of points. It showed just how bad our defense really was and was the precursor to how much worse Mississippi State’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad season would only get worse, despite the team getting a win.

I hear Australia is nice this time of year.

Then the nightmare season really got started. Auburn came to Davis Wade Stadium. I think Kamryn Pettway is still breaking attempted tackles by the Bulldogs.

I bet Australia doesn’t have a Kamryn Pettway to haunt me in my dreams.

Next, the Bulldogs went to Provo, Utah. The people in Utah were all very polite and nice as they continued to drive our football spirits into the ground. I thought, “Hooray! Mississippi State just took the lead in overtime and the BYU quarterback fumbled the football!” only to see a BYU player pick up the ball and gain six yards on the play. I then thought, “Hooray! Nick Fitzgerald just threw a perfect pass to tie the game in overtime to our best receiver Fred Ross!” just to see him drop it. The Bulldogs lost another game in this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad season.

Why didn’t I move to Australia?

Next came Kentucky. Kentucky! A team Dan Mullen had never lost to. Mississippi State tried and tried to give the game away with a pick six and lousy defense galore. But a Nick Fitzgerald touchdown pass gave the Bulldogs a one point lead with about a minute to play!

But sure enough, it wasn’t enough. Kentucky hit a 50 yard field goal to continue the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad season.

Yep, I definitely should have moved to Australia.

When Samford came to Davis Wade Stadium for our homecoming game, things didn’t get any better. Yes the Bulldogs won, but they gave up 41 (41!!!!) points and 627 yards to an FCS team. That’s what happens in wins during a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad season.

I wonder if I could find the defense some teeth if I moved to Australia.

And now November has arrived. The Bulldogs have Texas A&M, Alabama, Arkansas, and Ole Miss left on the schedule. We’re having to do mental gymnastics to see if we can convince ourselves the Bulldogs will get even one more win. I think this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad season is only going to get worse.

I think I am going to go look up airfare to Australia.