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WHAT IS JOHN COHEN YELLING AT? - SOUTH DAKOTA STATE AND FLORIDA ATLANTIC EDITION

THIS IS THE START OF A NEW SERIES WHERE I ANSWER THE QUESTION "WHAT IS JOHN COHEN YELLING AT?"

THIS WEEKEND IS OPENING WEEKEND, SO JOHN COHEN IS EXTRA PUMPED. THE OPPONENTS ARE FLORIDA ATLANTIC AND SOUTH DAKOTA STATE, AND HE'S FOUND SOME THINGS TO YELL AT.

JOHN COHEN IS YELLING AT THE FLORIDA ATLANTIC MASCOT

THE FAU MASCOT'S NAME IS "OWLSLEY THE OWL". THAT IS LITERALLY THE LEAST ORIGINAL MASCOT NAME IN THE HISTORY OF MASCOTS. JOHN COHEN IS YELLING AT YOU, OWLSLEY.

JOHN COHEN IS YELLING AT THE SOUTH DAKOTA STATE MASCOT

OL' JOHNNY FIGURES IF HE'S YELLING AT FAU'S MASCOT, IT'S ONLY FAIR TO YELL AT THE OTHER ONE. SOUTH DAKOTA STATE'S NICKNAME IS THE "JACKRABBITS". KNOWING HOW BAD "OWLSEY THE OWL" WAS FOR A NAME, WE CAN ONLY ASSUME THAT THIS ONE'S NAME IS TERRIBLE TOO. THE NICKNAME IS THE "JACKRABBIT". LEMME GUESS, THEIR MASCOT'S NAME IS "JACK".

*searches*

YEP. IT'S A JACKRABBIT NAMED JACK. JOHN COHEN IS YELLING AT IT.

JOHN COHEN IS YELLING AT ELDERLY PEOPLE IN BOCA RATON

JOHN COHEN IS FEELING EXTRA ANGRY THIS WEEKEND, SO HE DECIDED TO START YELLING AT ELDERLY PEOPLE IN FAU'S HOME, BOCA RATON. WHY? NO ONE KNOWS. HE'S JUST YELLING AT THEM FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

JOHN COHEN IS YELLING AT MOUNT RUSHMORE

THIS ONE'S OBVIOUS, ISN'T IT? THEY'RE PLAYING SOUTH DAKOTA STATE. IT'S A UNIVERSITY IN SOUTH DAKOTA. LITERALLY THE ONLY THING THAT IS NATIONALLY RELEVANT IN SOUTH DAKOTA IS MOUNT RUSHMORE. THEODORE ROOSEVELT BELIEVED THAT PEOPLE SHOULD "SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG STICK". JOHN COHEN DOESN'T LIKE SPEAKING SOFTLY; HE LIKES YELLING, SO HE IS YELLING AT MOUNT RUSHMORE.