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cristilmethod Twitter-less Diaries, Week 1

Things I assume Twitter has said about Johnny Football this week, TV show ideas, and the coaches' poll.

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I've spent a lot of time in deep thought this week (no I haven't)
I've spent a lot of time in deep thought this week (no I haven't)
Joe Murphy

This was a short twitterless week, as my quest only started on Wednesday night. Still, it feels like I have been disconnected from the world forever. You really don't realize how nice Twitter is to have to get up to date info, even when there's ZERO info to be had, until you're completely cut off from it. This could be tougher than I thought. Anyways, here's some thoughts I had this week:

Johnny Football

One of the many reasons I got off of Twitter for a bit was because of Johnny Manziel. No, not Manziel himself, but the never ceasing talk about him acting 20 years old. The biggest positive from a complete Twitter shutoff is that I've missed all of the crap spewed by the national pundits who are falling over themselves to judge a guy who has done far less harm by 20 than many of us have. Since I've been cut off from Twitter, here's six completely unjustified stories that I assume surfaced this week about Manziel:

  • Johnny Manziel helped Edward Snowden gain asylum in Russia
  • Johnny Manziel doesn't pay full price for neighborhood lemonade
  • Johnny Manziel told Tommy Tuberville it was okay to leave that recruiting dinner early
  • Johnny Manziel was with Riley Cooper at the Kenny Chesney concert
Coaches' Poll

Hey look! Rankings! That can only mean one thing: Football is near. Even though preseason rankings are pointless (hi, 2001 MSU football!), the fact that there is now a poll for this year gives us something to discuss and dissect over and over for the final month. Here are some of my thoughts on the initial poll:

  • Notre Dame at 11 LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
  • Even though LSU lost a lot from last year's team, somehow I have a feeling that they will be ranked higher than where they are starting at the #13 spot
  • The coaches would rank Texas in the top 20 with a Dora the Explorer backpack as their starting quarterback.
  • This may be the most unimpressive bottom 15 that I've seen on a poll in awhile. Granted, we know nothing about these teams yet for this year, but I'm not seeing any teams that stick out.
  • Lane Kiffin has yet to see that his team is ranked preseason because WHATEVER MY DAD IS OUT OF TOWN NOW YOU GUYS AND I'M ONE LEVEL AWAY FROM BEATING CANDY CRUSH, GOD LEAVE ME ALONE.
  • Arkansas got a vote! Proving that everyone gets a vote, class [gives all of CFB a gold sticker]
TV Show ideas that I just had

The most productive thing I've probably done in my short time without Twitter is come up with an idea for a few TV show this week. Here's what I got:

  • Modern Family spin off featuring Cam and Mitchell, trapped in the dome around Chester's Mill while fighting the federal marriage laws. I'd call it, "Under the DOMA"
  • Globetrotter Anthony Bourdain travels to Tuscaloosa to settle a family dispute arising from a recent trip to the local BBQ restaurant. I'd call it, "Anthony Bourdain: Farts Unknown"
Things I would might have tweeted this week

@cristilmethod: today's teens won't age gracefully, mostly because yelling "YOLO!" at a funeral is a bit of a slap in the face to the deceased

@cristilmethod: Given his wrestling catchphrase, how in the world has The Rock not already hosted a cooking show?

@cristilmethod: How is there not a ride at Rick Stansbury's water park called the Renardo Slidney?

@cristilmethod: No, it's actually still July, because Mike Gundy blocked our transfer to August.

@cristilmethod: I bet Ron Polk wears Black Panther cologne