Whether you’ve lived in Mississippi, currently live in the state, or if you grew up here, the Egg Bowl rivalry is likely a part of your life. It could be extended family split down the middle, groups of friends that lean either Oxford or Oktibbeha County, or even spouses that root in reverse. No matter how the feud shapes up in your world, the rivalry heats up during Thanksgiving week - and in truth, much more than that throughout the year - each and every year.
Disdain for your rival is a healthy thing. You don’t like them, and they don’t like you. But as we’ve all unfortunately found out from the fringe portions of our fanbases, the internet has brought about an age (or at a minimum, brought into a public space) in this rivalry where fans take things a step beyond. “Rivalry” has turned into incessant bickering, which has turned into hate, which has turned into nastiness - all fueled by fans’ constant access to each other via Twitter, message boards, and other forms of internet communication.
So, in an effort to turn the internet fringe portions of each fanbase on their respective tinfoiled heads and have some fun this rivalry week, Two Yards and a Cloud, my friend from Red Cup Rebellion (<== cheatin bear blog), and I have teamed up to take YOUR MOST MUNDANE SENTENCES about either MSU or Ole Miss and turn them into fringe Egg Bowl commentary. We call this (h/t to Alex McDaniel and Ethan Lee) #EGGBOWLIFY.
[machine whirring sound]
EGGBOWLIFY: Those dirty bears use the shade of Grove trees to hide their cheating deals from government satellites.
EGGBOWLIFY: Dak Prescott got into a classless fight in Panama City while Chad Kelly was saving orphans and building wells in Haiti, but the Clarion Liar doesn't want you to know that.
EGGBOWLIFY: I bet Shea will be great whenever he’s not getting direction from a women’s basketball coach. Fitzgerald may double Dak’s career numbers, and will finally take us to the championship we deserve.
EGGBOWLIFY: Shea Patterson is a generational talent. Nick Fitzwhatever is Chris Relf 2.0
EGGBOWLIFY: Oxford's Oby's is yet another example of the culinary mecca that is Lafayette County. Starkville's Oby's is little more than a glorified KFC.
EGGBOWLIFY: I don’t know guys... who cheat because I ONLY hang with State fans. I punch every cheatin’ Rebel in the head.
EGGBOWLIFY: A redneck guy I work with honestly believes State doesn't pay players. I told him about Leo Lewis' fleet of vehicles purchased for a dollar apiece at a used car lot in Noxubee County, but he's got his head in the sand.
EGGBOWLIFY: Ole Mess fans think they’re SOOO superior because they’re town is located higher up north than us, but we’re located further east, dummies. That’s closer to where the sun rises.
EGGBOWLIFY: Cheese causes cancer. Read that on Facebook.
EGGBOWLIFY: Mississippi State's win over Texas A&M was largely meaningless, coming as it did on the heels of the Aggies being beaten up by Alabama. Ole Miss overcame astonishing odds to topple a top 10 team on the road.
EGGBOWLIFY: Ole Missus burned a redshirt for its prized croot just so they could beat A&M to be like us. My cousin read somewhere that they burned the redshirt right in front of him.
EGGBOWLIFY: Mississippi State is a glorified junior college that employs only born and bred grinders who use their educational pulpits to proselytize unsuspecting 18 year olds into lifetime allegiances to an antiquated agrarian lifestyle.
EGGBOWLIFY: Lyin' Dan knows he can't sell Mississippi State to out of state prospects, so he and his disorganized network of second-rate bagmen pay Mississippi athletes to 'grind for their state' while also hypocritically accusing Ole Miss of cheating.
EGGBOWLIFY: Dan Mullen has a first-rate eye for under-the-radar, in-state talent, while Hugh Freezus just recruits showboatin’, “look at me” premadonnas from outside these here borders, who don’t pan out.
EGGBOWLIFY: If John Grisham liked State so much why'd he endow the Grisham Chair at Ole Miss?
EGGBOWLIFY: How many short stories has John written about 19 year olds wasting whiskey behind the outfield fence?
EGGBOWLIFY: Red Cup Rebellion covers Ole Miss athletics. For Whom the Cowbell Tolls is a biased blog that ignores reality and only pumps sunshine for Lyin' Dan's bullfrauds.
EGGBOWLIFY: For Whom the Cowbell Tolls is my go-to for MSU sports and Donald Glover .GIFs. I heard Red Cup Rebellion was owned by the Clarion Liar, but they won’t tell you that.