Nick Saban – “Beethoven’s 5th Symphony”. Saban will enter only to classical music crafted by a five star of his profession, and will chastise you for lack of work ethic if you sit down before the full song is over. Also, unknown to everyone but himself, this song will trigger Gary Danielson to ignore all missed holding calls on Alabama this fall.
Jim McElwain – “Theme From Jaws”. It’s unfortunate for a seemingly nice man like Coach McElwain that he’s – by no fault of his own – gotten himself tangled in the naked man–shark conspiracy story. However, being on topic is important, and that SEC intern will gladly get fired from his job for playing the theme music from Jaws as Jim enters the stage.
Barry Odom – “That’s Not My Name”, The Ting Tings. When you’re the most inconspicuous coach in the SEC, you have to walk out to a song that lets people know who you aren’t, and that’s Gary Pinkel.
“My name is Barry, no I’m not Gary! That’s not my name (clap clap); that’s not my name (clap clap)”
Mark Stoops – “Maybe Someday”, Black Stone Cherry. A song about the hopes of maybe turning the corner someday by a band from Kentucky? It may be a bit of stretch, but the similarities are there.
Bret Bielema – “Push It”, Salt N’ Peppa. There’s zero chance that a coach with as much personality as Bret doesn’t have a choreographed dance routine to a 90s hip hop song, probably one he’s done with his wife once or twice.
Kevin Sumlin – “[insert popular song here]” Since Texas A&M and Sumlin entered the SEC, the message has been about being the hip, new kid in town. My guess is that Sumlin would enter to something popular on the radio right now, even though some A&M fans might currently prefer his music be “Ring of Fire” by Johnny Cash.
Hugh Freeze – “Who’s Cheatin Who?”, Alan Jackson. There were many, many ways that this one could have gone, but this song by Alan just stuck in my head. Consider this (slightly) revised line from the song:
“...still you wonder who’s cheatin’ who, who’s gonna sue, and who don’t even care anymore.” In order to avoid being named in a lawsuit, I’ll let you fill in who goes with which in that line.
Will Muschamp – “Break Stuff”, Limp Bizkit. Look, Coach Muschamp may be the most calm, reasonable person on this earth when he’s not on a football sideline. But when you’re notorious for coaching while bleeding from the head and having quite an intense sideline personality, it’s hard not to see you entering the stage to a song that encourages destruction.
Ed Orgeron – Zydeco, and really by any artist from the boot state. For Coach O, it just has to be Cajun and the words barely understandable.
Kirby Smart – “Saturday”, Ludacris. This is mostly because in the fine print of his contract to play last year’s Georgia spring football game, Ludacris still had a few billable hours left to close it out.
Butch Jones – “Here Comes the Sun”, The Beatles. You don’t use phrases like “Champions of Life” and “Five Star Heart” and not enter a room to the most sunshiney day music that you can find.
Gus Malzahn – “U Can’t Touch This”, MC Hammer. Since the video of Auburn’s Coach dancing to the classic Hammer song of yesteryear surfaced on the internet (remember, kids: everything will eventually make it onto the internet), it’s hard to see Gus walking out to anything else. It is, though, easier to see Gus singing this to boosters who want him out as his team kick-six’s its way somehow to another 10+ win season, saving his job.
Derek Mason – Anything by John Coltrane. Derek strikes me as a man who is mellow and that can enjoy some smooth jazz as much as he can a winning season and a stout defense.
Dan Mullen - “Can’t Tell Me Nothing”, Kanye West. The pairing is clearly tied to Dan’s contractual obligation to Mr. West’s Adidas shoes, but also consider this modified line:
“I feel the pressure / under more scrutiny / and what I do? / sign another running QB”