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Here's a lovely recipe for coaching search season sauces

This time of year, it's important to cultivate good sauces to have around. Below I will share a recipe that I've found makes for the perfect sauce almost every time (for those who aren't getting it, sauce is source, of course).

By cristilmethod
Richard Heathcote/Getty Images

5 cups "reports"

This will form the base for your sauce.  You don't want to stir this too much.  Just put it out there and let it work on its own.  You may find this at any local beat writer or radio personality.  A few years ago I was able to find some unspoiled in a message board, but it's rare.

1/2 cup Paulive Oil

1/4 cup "I am hearing"

This ingredient can be hard to find in some locations but I've had the most luck locating it in message board near the new and questionable commenters.  You may also check near the commenters who act like they know a lot but don't.  It may seem like a shady source, but it's about the only place you can find it.

1 tablespoon ground all(in)spice

8 oz block of "things have changed", softened

When mixed with the reports that make the base of your sauce, this can neutralize any potential bitterness.

2 teaspoons paprika

Seriously, what isn't paprika in?

1 sprinkle official announcement

Sometimes the taste of this will come out of nowhere.

1 can whole "financial figures"

To really impress your guests, try adding financial figures to your sauce.  Adds texture.

Once you've combined all ingredients into a large pot, turn the heat up high and stir until the fanbase is as desired.  Now, if you're cooking this recipe for guests from another school, you might want to add in a dash of "recruits are jumping ship" and turn the sauce to boiling to get the taste you guests will really loathe.

The final part to this recipe has to be added at the perfect time. The timing differs from receipt to recipe, but once you see that a hiring is all but done, add a final sprinkle of "DONE DEAL: Coach _____ to [school]".  From my experience, this gives you the exact taste you're looking for and will make you popular with everyone partaking in your sauces.  Of course you can always add your own twist to it with some "wow: home run hire!" or "seriously", but I usually enjoy it without.

Enjoy!

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