5 cups "reports"
This will form the base for your sauce. You don't want to stir this too much. Just put it out there and let it work on its own. You may find this at any local beat writer or radio personality. A few years ago I was able to find some unspoiled in a message board, but it's rare.
1/2 cup Paulive Oil
Sources tell FootballScoop that Mississippi State is coming back to Paul Rhoads for DC (expected in Starkvegas tomorrow). Not signed yet.— FootballScoop Staff (@FootballScoop) January 9, 2016
1/4 cup "I am hearing"
This ingredient can be hard to find in some locations but I've had the most luck locating it in message board near the new and questionable commenters. You may also check near the commenters who act like they know a lot but don't. It may seem like a shady source, but it's about the only place you can find it.
1 tablespoon ground all(in)spice
Sources tell FootballScoop Dan Mullen is "all in" on Ed Orgeron for his defensive coordinator position https://t.co/5z9xIe88My— FootballScoop Staff (@FootballScoop) January 7, 2016
8 oz block of "things have changed", softened
When mixed with the reports that make the base of your sauce, this can neutralize any potential bitterness.
2 teaspoons paprika
Seriously, what isn't paprika in?
1 sprinkle official announcement
Sometimes the taste of this will come out of nowhere.
Say hello to Miami's new defensive coordinator Manny Diaz #WelcomeToTheU - https://t.co/s0qyv46V6n pic.twitter.com/EUmHn4qa3B— Canes Football (@CanesFootball) January 2, 2016
1 can whole "financial figures"
To really impress your guests, try adding financial figures to your sauce. Adds texture.
Updated: State's potential deal w/Orgeron worth $900K a year to be DC. (again, #LSU & him discussing new contract) https://t.co/uODqQsHrMi— Ross Dellenger (@RossDellenger) January 7, 2016
Once you've combined all ingredients into a large pot, turn the heat up high and stir until the fanbase is as desired. Now, if you're cooking this recipe for guests from another school, you might want to add in a dash of "recruits are jumping ship" and turn the sauce to boiling to get the taste you guests will really loathe.
The final part to this recipe has to be added at the perfect time. The timing differs from receipt to recipe, but once you see that a hiring is all but done, add a final sprinkle of "DONE DEAL: Coach _____ to [school]". From my experience, this gives you the exact taste you're looking for and will make you popular with everyone partaking in your sauces. Of course you can always add your own twist to it with some "wow: home run hire!" or "seriously", but I usually enjoy it without.